What part of me is going to be here in 20 years? Only my teeth and my eyes so I gotta take care of those!
— Lily
We should have done this a long time ago.
— Patti (from the room next to PT) on a formal introduction
…on a parcheesi board.
— David Rosenthal about a cover*
If a subungual hematoma was caused by a severe blow to a finger or toe, either seek immediate medical attention from your health care provider or go to an emergency room.
— WebMD, “Subungual Hematoma (Bleeding Under the Nail)”
I always try to find excuses to like people.
— Sid
Can I tell you what I see when I close my eyes. It’s a frying pan shaped like a turkey.
— Lily
It’s just nice to see big things.
— David on Dia:Beacon
Melted Peeps.
— The Hudson Creamery
Birds don’t have insurance.
— Lily
It’s like eating the same food everyday. I want to expand.
— Jay
— Bill in Cabela's
Not just any 14, a specific 14.
— Manager at Beacon Paint and Hardware making a dad joke when employee says “N14?″
Do you have Venmo?
— Stranger in line for jerk chicken
He had a whole TV on his head!
— Lily on a cab
Shirts vs Skins?
— David
— Hallye on if she made the cookies
Don't wanna to go to school all day.
— Hollywood Brats, “Zurich 17″
It’s better than brilliant, it’s thoroughly unexpected!
— Gary Shteyngart, The Russian Debutante’s Handbook
I’m a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva.
— Queen, “Don’t Stop Me Now”
The grayness, the ambivalence, the supposed intelligence that abounded in wet English days.
— Gary Shteyngart, The Russian Debutante’s Handbook