I just realized I really like the word ‘mesh.’
— D
I can’t look happy because I’m always happy.
— Felix
Code yellow.
Code yellow.
Fight, and you may die.
— William Wallace
Sumo wakes up in the morning.
Flea Fly.
— Joe Bolling
I had qualified for the recitation period with “The Highwayman.”
— Sidney Offit, Memoir of a Bookie’s Son
Cocoa Puffs.
If I had a gun I’d let the hammer down.
— Doc Watson, “The Train That Carried My Girl from Town”
How do you prepare your vegetables?
— Man on Camel’s Hump
A lot of foot landscaping going on here.
— K-Town
Constrictor hitch.
What I’m doin’ doesn’t have any history.
— K-Town
— Toad, Mario Kart
Goat cheese yogurt.
It is not only the final form which is esthetically very pleasing.
Berrocal Mini-David I
Which is like betting a dollar on The Price Is Right, you’re technically allowed to do it, but you know, fuck you.
— John Oliver, “Predatory Lending,” Last Week Tonight with John Oliver